As parents, we know there will always be parenting skills to improve upon. The book, Why Can't I Get My Kids to Behave, produced by Parenting Made Practical, is a wonderful resource for new or established parents who want some practical tips on how to get their children to listen right away.
WHY CAN'T I GET MY KIDS TO BEHAVE?
When I began reading Why Can't I Get My Kids to Behave , I noticed some good news and some bad news for me as a parent. The good news was I was following most of their practical steps on how to get my child to listen. However, I was missing a step either at the beginning or the end.
The first chapter starts off with the definition of obedience and why our kids must obey. The authors Joey and Carla Link illustrate through the biblical story of Samuel as an example. Remember the story of the little boy who was dedicated to God by Hannah?
God calls Samuel one night but he thought Eli was calling him. He got up immediately to find out what Eli wanted but it wasn't Eli. A second time he heard his name and again, Eli told him to back to bed as it wasn't him. The third time Eli realized who was calling Samuel and told him how to respond if he heard his name again. Sure enough, Samuel heard his name and told the Lord to speak, his servant hears him!
Like Samuel, our children must learn to come right away when called, it could be a life or death situation if not taken seriously. The authors go on to explain that obedience has 4 parts: obeying immediately, completely, no challenging and no complaining.
PRACTICAL TIPS
The first test is to call your child by name. If your child answers, there must be some kind of verbal acknowledgment. Then, you praise him for coming and expect a positive answer. The last step is to give your child a command and they complete it right away.
Each of these 4 phases is explained in detail on how to get your child to complete each step correctly. I discovered my children were coming when called, but I was allowing my son to complain as he completed his task. This is not correct and I knew it, but only chastised him verbally and told him to go into his room until he got control of himself. This is an actual step to be taken, but it goes further after the child says he's sorry.
The author suggests your child should also have a consequence after an apology is made without any complaining. Hmmm...why didn't I think of that!
I implemented this solution right away after reading it and the next day it worked brilliantly for my elementary-aged son. He even wrote a note saying he was sorry and what he will say next time. We will continue these 4 steps until they are mastered. I do wish I knew about this book when my kids were younger!
PARENTING TOOLBOX
The authors continue to engage the reader by discussing what tools we have in our parenting toolbox. An example of one is the tool of routine. Kids need structure and predictability. Another example is the tool of consequences. All bad behavior, including bad attitudes, must have a consequence. Not sure what that consequence should be? The Links give you some tips on how to come up with the appropriate consequences based on age and inappropriate behavior.
I was relieved to read some real-life examples for their middle-aged child. Having one myself, I'm dealing with disrespect and talking back so this book came at a perfect time, or should I say it's God's timing! Joey and Carla noted in the book the difficulties they had with their son, even at an older age. They realized their lack of consistency and decided to hold each other accountable. I really love their honesty and it felt great that I wasn't the only one with a child looking for loopholes and inconsistencies.
They also stress the importance of both parents working together as a team. For single parents, they suggest talking to the ex-spouse/partner to give them a chance to be a part of your training efforts. It is encouraging to know you can teach your child to behave at any age, and in any circumstance.
LECTURING AND THREATS
Closer to the end of the book, the Links dive into threats and lecturing. They give an example of their son who was constantly being reminded to take out the trash, and to no avail. Suddenly, they realized their son needed to be held accountable. Mean what you say and say what you mean. No more lecturing or threats.
So, when the trash was supposed to be taken out the next time, they didn't remind him. Instead, when he missed trash pick up, he was required to drive all the way to the landfill and dump out the trash himself. Needless to say, Michael did not miss putting the trash out again. We need to get creative, parents!
Lecturing doesn't work. When was the last time your kids did something just by your words? I can't think of any times myself. Next time, the authors suggest instead of lecturing, think of what you want to say and how to word it in questions. This way, it leads them into confessing their sins. Carla suggests writing it down your points to convert them into a question for your child that he has to answer correctly.
As the last chapter folds, a reminder is made along with an appropriate bible verse. It is not too late, regardless of how old your child is! Do you still have to teach him/hear to drive? They have their whole lives ahead of them, start teaching them obedience today! Ephesians 6:1 says, "Honor your father and mother..." It is our job as parents to ensure your children do not disobey this commandment!
FINAL THOUGHTS
If you are a parent, I highly recommend you buy this book Why Can't I Get My Kids to Behave, its worth the investment for you and your children's sake! This is going on my long-term resources bookshelf! My husband agreed to read this as well so we can implement these important steps together, and support each other when necessary. As the book reminds us, "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth". John 3 1:4. Amen!
If you'd like to learn more about Parenting Made Practical products, you can find out more about by going directly to this link on Taming the Lecture Bug and Getting Your Kids to Think (Video) (for parents of kids ages 8-college) or reading a review from Bonnie by clicking HERE.
MORE RESOURCES
If you'd like to learn more about Parenting Made Practical products, you can find out more about by going directly to this link on Taming the Lecture Bug and Getting Your Kids to Think (Video) (for parents of kids ages 8-college) or reading a review from Bonnie by clicking HERE.
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